Wonderful Wednesday

Ok, lest you all get consumed with jealously, I'd better explain that my two week trip out of town is to take a music educator's class in Rochester, NY at Eastman School of music. It's fun but all day long and incredibly intense: composing and arranging music for children, practicing one of 3 stupid recorders, and that's just our homework.

Those of you that know me well, know that I describe myself as instrumentally impaired. This has changed somewhat as I learned to "fake book" play on the piano, and learned enough guitar to get me through my day...I estimated that on a typical work day, I spent 3 solid hours playing guitar. My calluses have just peeled off. That means during the summer, I don't do a darned thing (with instruments anyway).

So, I approach the class with joy and trepidation. This is my third class of this type. I've taken the various levels in this course every other summer. It is a wonderful break from the kids, and this is one of those times when I get to rediscover myself. I am immersed in my love for music and movement.

By the middle of the second week though, I miss my daughters horribly. I remember asking the wife of one of the class participants if I could hold her baby. Of course she said no because I was a stranger to her. I was disappointed though because I just needed to hold a baby in my arms!

The harderst part has proven to be the transition coming home. I go from no family responsibilities for 2 weeks to once again having 2 daughters and a hubby who are needy and have missed me intensely. If only there were some way to ease back into motherhood with out that jolting shock. It's complicated by the fact that hubby interprets my difficulties as me not wanting to be with them.

I think he'll come around though. He's a good hubby. He's come to realize that meds have helped balance the chemicals in my brain, thus eliminating many of the blowups and meltdowns I'd have due to PMDD and PTSD (nasty little car accident I was involved in; the guy who hit me was DOA, but that's another story).

Anyway, this is getting long. Check out the PMDD link. Any info on it is very interesting.