Tales From The Crypt. Well, not really....

But tales from work, which can be considered the crypt in an imaginative sort of way...

I'm left wondering if the "Alberta Clipper" has anything to do with the strange behavior: 

Kid running down hall gets stabbed by pencil held by another kid. Has to leave school early to get tetanus shot.

What's up with that? Apparently it was an accident. How do you get stabbed with someone else's pencil when you're running? And why are you running anyway? Don't you know running in the hallway is dangerous? Oh, I get it. Rules are just for sissies. 

I can predict your future. And it's full of numerous "Hey guys, watch this!"

                            

*****

My husband asked if that happened under my watch. No, but unfortunately the next incident did. 

Kid sitting in chair cuts holes in new jeans with someone else's scissors. 

Okay, what is this with "someone else's" stuff. I think "someone else" needs to have his stuff confiscated. I have no defense for this other than we were watching the Sound of Music (figured I could show a movie as easily as a sub could, so I went back to work) and I did not see him with scissors. The kids told me. He cut various holes in his pants, one dangerously close to his crotch. 

"Kid With Scissors," I said to him, "What do you think your mom is going to say when she sees your pants? Do you think she's going to be happy?...or angry?....Yeah, she's gonna be angry." 

Later I glance over, from my somewhat closer perch. "Kid With New Crotch Hole in Pants (real name excluded), quit ripping that hole or your pants aren't going to be so private anymore." Sigh. 

*****

Kindergartner forges parents signature on homework page. 

My daughter, my own sweet daughter...I asked her all weekend if she had homework. No ma. Tuesday morning, at school, she pulls her homework folder out of her backpack. Homework! Undone!

"Emmy! You need to finish this! And then I'll sign your folder."

I go to her room a few minutes later. "Where's your folder?"

"I turned it in Mom." 

"But I didn't sign it!"

"That's okay Mom. I signed it for you." Oh no. 

Sure enough, on the folder, in the correct spaces she signed "Mom". 

Later we discussed that there are some things that only mommies and daddies can sign.

*****

 

Finally, a funny moment today, made even funnier because I didn't "get it" until my drive home from work today. Once again, it involved my dear sweet daughter Emmy.

In music kindergarten is learning a simple rhythm pattern with a rest at the end. This happened to be my daughter's kindergarten class. I showed them my pretty picture cards with clapping hands and a rest drawn in at the end.

I point to the rest and ask, "Who knows what a rest is?"

My sweet daughter is the only one to raise her hand. Well, I think, she's already seen rests in her piano music, so of course she knows what a rest is. 

"Okay Emmy, what's a rest?"

"It's when you go to jail." 

?!?  :-)

*****